I

don't know the plural form of hiatus is,
but I sure do take a lot of them.

lately I think I've developed anxiety.
It's liek the feeling I used to get in high school
when I was two or three months backed up
on homework assignments, and the quarter
was ending in two days, but now I don't have
that sort of stress, and yet the feelings still here.

Thank god I've got writing as an outlet,
otherwise I might just crumple up in a heap on my bed
and not come out for weeks, or try to recreate a Pollack
painting using just the ceiling, my brain, and a gun -
Hemingway style.

I wish I had three tons of Xanax or something,
because that might make life easier, but with a
therapist, where would I even start?
People on medication usually have some sort
of traumatic event that is the catalyst for their problems.

I feel like my life is one big traumatic event,
just leading up to my death.

Truth is, at this point in my life,
I'd have more fun listening to Vampire Weekend
while playing Bejeweled, and then falling asleep
to old episodes of Six Feet Under and shitty
VH1 reality shows with a box of Cheez-its in my lap,
than going to a party on a Saturday night.
fuck parties.
fuck people.
fuck friends.
and especially fuck this anxiety.

i dont need pills, i need a fucking break.