BRAIN DRAINED

a particularly good night in Richmond.
also: how the fuck did this ODU girl find me?
insane.

so apparently

there's such a thing as "too nice" for me.
bwwaaaaah, I don't want to restrict myself
to assholes !


maybe once a nice guy should peak my interest.


or not, just sayin.

DAVID'S

brother added me on facebook
it sounds so trivial,
but its a big deal, trust me.
I was fairly sure we hated each other,
but now....




alright, alright, i've got maybe a small thing for him now.
MAYBE.
maybe i feel gross just saying that.
he just looks a lot like David,
and maybe its the cocaine,
but he got cooler all of a sudden.



FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU
its probably all bullshit.

WHAT

I've been gone for so long,
I dont even know where to start.

Life's been good to me lately,
except for the fact that I
CANT GET INTO OUR GORGEOUS GYM
ITS SO AMAZING YET UNTOUCHABLE
:(

but.
last night I went to Brain Drain for the first time
and blew my mind.
Some guy totally vibed with me for an hour
and now he's asking me on dates?

There's just somethign about being in Richmond that puts
guys on my nuts, just saying.

HELLO MR. DREAMBOAT

To add on to my previous description of the perfect man:



I'm looking for someone who's going to sit
on the couch under covers,
and eat leftover chili with me,
while watching some shitty reality show on VH1,
or maybe Fight Club, or V for Vendetta.

and then afterwards we can go to the bedroom
and fuck each others brains out.

instead of smoking cigarettes when we're done,
I'll listen to him play guitar.


high standards, i know.

speaking of

I'm embarassed.
I feel like a hypocrite everytime,
no lie.


"PARTY PARTY PARTY LETS ALL GET WASTED"
but sometimes I wish we wouldn't.

that's just not what I'm looking for in my life
and I should stop pretending like it is.

its funny how

I want to change,
but I just keep clinging to the past.

it's like being a junkie.
I didn't realize it was a drug
until it was gone.

Holy Crap

STFU Dante.
seriously, this guy is a role model for NO ONE.

so why does he feel the need to
post "inspirational" statuses every day?

I just want to roll my eyes so hard they
shoot out the back of my skull,
find the nearest computer,
and use Ebay to buy him a fucking clue.

Just saw her face

for the first time in years.
and she's doing fantastic.

like really, I'm glad we're not friends any more,
because shes doing so much better without me.
I think perhaps I was always just trying
to be a carbon copy anyways.
I'd be lying if i were to say I'm not jealous.

Well you go Glen Coco,
you deserve it.
and after everything that happened,
what I've always wanted to tell you is that:

You were right.
About it all.

AYO DREAMBOAT

can i has?
can i motherfucking has??

I have to tell myself sometimes

"don't be that crazy girl
don't do it
just don't do it."


it shouldnt take this much effort to keep myself sane.

I read somewhere that my tarot card is "The Devil"

"But who prays for Satan?
Who, in eighteen centuries,
has had the common humanity
to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? "

love of my lifelifelifelife

i dont think

its what i thought.
we'll have to wait and see
but im pretty sure this one
was a false alarm

maybe hes left the page by now.

This guy is the most interesting guy
I've talked to in a while.


I'm probably going to be way too weird and
blow it, hah.
scare him away with my teeth and scales.


But for the first time in a long time,
every word that comes out of this guys mouth (hands?)
makes me want to hear more.

Can't get over

how much I love
Sufjan Stevens.

God what a talented man.
I could listen to this forever,
but I've got things to do.

But seeing him live
is definitely on my bucket list.

I'm glad you did that because now you look

GROSS.

:)

Soo many question marks

I've noticed that lately.
Like everyone (myself included)
just talks in questions.
Most of them rhetorical,
most of them we know the answers to,
we just don't want to hear.

We're hoping that perhaps if we just ask anyways,
then the answer will be something different.
But even if it is, you still know the truth, come on.


~~~~~~~

On another note, my back hurts
I've got boob problems. It sucks.
Also, when will people understand
that having a baby and getting married,
will NOT solve your problems.
be happy first, then commit and bring
someone else into this world.

On an even other note,
maybe it's time to stop being a hypocrite.
Just for a while.

"No one's got it all"

Don't say it like it's

something sad.

you don't know me at all

He looks so vulnerable.

My love is like clockwork

Is that a real thing?
Wtf does that even mean?

FUCK

truer words ever spoken?

What inspiration?

I get so inspired by everything I see,
I just want to buy a sketchbook and
a notebook and a typewriter
and a sewing machine.

That way I could create all the things
I ever wanted.

So I wish for like a week,
everyone would leave me alone with
those things and my computer
and then maybe something
beautiful would come out.

Disney princesses dressed as villains

in love.

If and only If

If I were a month, I’d be November.
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Friday morning.
If I were a time of day, I’d be two am.
If I were a planet, I’d be Saturn.
If I were a sea animal, I’d be an Octopus.
If I were a direction, I’d be East.
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a bed.
If I were a liquid, I’d be hot tea.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be an emerald.
If I were a tree, I’d be a Maple tree.
If I were a tool, I’d be an axe.
If I were a flower, I’d be a Snapdragon.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be a windy fall day.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a harmonica.

If I were a color, I’d be Navy blue.

If I were an emotion, I’d be doubtful.
If I were a fruit, I’d be a grapefruit.
If I were a sound, I’d be a chuckle.
If I were an element, I’d be water.
If I were a car, I’d be a Civic.
If I were a food, I’d be a pancake.
If I were a place, I’d be a fountain.
If I were a material, I’d be leather.
If I were a taste, I’d be figs.
If I were a scent, I’d be apples.
If I were an object, I’d be a novel.
If I were a body part, I’d be a hip.
If I were a facial expression, I’d be rolled eyes, pursed lips.
If I were a song, I’d be Shake It Out.
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be barefoot.

I sit

in this chair and gain circumference every night.
It's no way to live,
but it's certainly a way to die.

FUUUUUUUUUUU -

Maybe I curse too much.

Offensive words are best when used sparingly -
they have more effect that way.

If a sailor says ****, then who cares?
but if a toddler says ****...
catchin the drift?

I wanna curse a lot less,
starting whenever.
Not that I don't love it,
but I love milkshakes too.
And if I consumed milkshakes
as often as I curse,
I would never be able to wear all these
beautiful Cosby sweaters :(

Dream Boat:

• Large (I'm not talking about crotch-growth. I want me a 250- pounder)
• BEARDLY - this is probably the most important aspect
• Southern
  
• Tattoos
  
• Guitar ( acoustic, of course)
  
• Literate
  
• Quiet
  
• CAN TAKE AN OFFENSIVE JOKE WITHOUT BEING OFFENDED
• Music and Movie taste that not only mirror my own, but better my own

Yeah I've pretty much described Kevin from Top Chef, or Andy Hull from The Manchester Orchestra, but they're both taken :(

I'm never gonna find one of these, but a girl can dream, right? right?????

Homemade Chili

wtf so good I don't even

In America:

• Portland, Oregon: not only do I wanna go here, I wanna live here. The environment, the people, the culture. God, if Portland isn't culturally relevant, then I don't know what is.

• San Fransisco, California: Gay Heaven, but not as garish as New York. Environmentally conscious, laid back, close to water, I'm in love.

• Cape Cod: Vampire Weekend convinced this is exactly where I want to go on vacation. I will wear silk scarves with my bathing suits and drink mojitos while eating grilled chicken bruschetta on the porch.

• Phoenix, Arizona: I wanna see the desert before I die.

• New Mexico: There's just something about the American Southwest that draws me lately.

• New York: The Lower East Side. I mean, come on, its necessary.

• Atlanta, Georgia: Even if they're still a bit racist, God I love the South. Good food, and southern gentlemen. <3

• Michigan: There's gotta be something in the Midwest worth seeing. I intend to find out what that is.
  

Lady Gaga translation:

WAAAAH

The idea is that I'm supposed to be amused.
I'm supposed to put up with this.


why hello there,
I WANT SPACE.

Maybe later I'll make a list of all the places I want to travel to
and why.
That should keep me occupied and happy for a while.

I'm listening

to Ke$ha's new cd, and I want to kill myself.
Literally.
I hope she drinks herself to an early grave.

Only redeeming quality of the cd:
on one track, at the very end of the song,
she giggles and says
" i like your beard"
I approve of this statement.
But it doesn't excuse the fact
that she should have commited suicide in middle school.


oops, was dat rood?

John&June<3

I CAN'T HELP

hating everything right now!

I'm going through something right now,
why can't anyone understand that?
I'm trying to force a smile on my face for
everyone I see, just so they won't know,
because I know they're just not gonna get it.
I'll be written off as a bitch.

Of course, the one person I choose to confide in,
is taking this personally, even though it has nothing to do with him.

Fuck this.
I'm trying to deal with myself as best I can
but it gets harder when I have to defend
the fact that I'm just not the same anymore.
Since when is it a crime to change?

Sure, everyone loves it when you change for the better,
but hey.
Sometimes you change for the worse and you're okay with it.
Which makes me realize:
Better and worse is relative.

Who's to say that I'm a worse person now?
I'm still sticking to my own moral code,
so I'm not any worse, I'm just
different.
and different is okay in my book.


This makes me have a little more respect
for the people I've lost along the way.
It wasn't about me,
they just changed,
and change is always good.
It's a sign that you are moving,
and as long as you're moving,
you are alive.

On the other hand

I guess I hope I don't ever complete
my tattoo or piercing list.

If I ever become a complete work of art,
then what be the point of living?
I'd be done.

Instead I guess I'd love to think of myself
as constantly changing.
A work of art in flux,
that just keeps getting better everytime you look back.

Piercing List

I feel like it's obligatory if I'm
gonna have a label called:
"Piercings"

Had:
Eyebrow (RIP)
Industrial (RIP)
Second Holes (RIP)
Spiderbite (1)(Left) (RIP)

Have:
Gauged Ears (2) Size 12
Snakebites (2)

Want:
Conch (Left)
Industrial (Right)
Cartilage (2) (Left)
Rook (Left)
Septum


How ridiculous is it that both my
"Had" and "Want" sections
are longer than my "Have" section?

This must be rectified,
I feel incomplete :(

STACHE O'DEATH

The artist's name is "french"

and I'm in love with all of his work.

Hero, by Regina Spektor

Second time I'm talking about it
but seriously.
This movie.

The "Expectation" vs. "Reality" sequence
had to be rewound and watched twice.
And its like that feeling where
you can tell tears are painfully welling
up behind your cheeks,
but they just won't come.

Obviously, how can I cry
over something I've never had?

wet poopsicles

Online, I could make a snake
shed his skin on command.
The heaviest of heathens
crawl in love with me.

But in person, it's not quite so true.
I'm not all that charming.
Or adorable.
I am the complete opposite of
Summer, I am a windy day
in November, reminding you
that winter's coming.
Not really all that shitty,
but it makes you long for warmer days.

fuuuuuuuuuu I hate being November.
why can't I just be an April or a May?
September would be nice.

Live by this forever

Lars, from Norway

He's the new guy she met at the gym,
with Brad Pitt's face
and Jesus' abs.

I know I'm pretty much the last one
to hop on the Summer bandwagon,
but I love this movie twenty times
more than I love life.


Also: Can I get the soundtrack?
For real, the music here is gr8.

Beirut

eases my soul,
I hope you know.

My stepdad's toenails

are pink, because my mom painted
them that way when they were both drunk.
We have no nail polish remover.


Every day God comes up with more signs
that he uses to show me
I'm meant to be a weirdo.

Just heard of

postcrossing.
sending/receiving postcards
from strangers around the world.

I CAN'T WAIT TO DO THIS

you know that when you say

"I'm so much prettier than his new girlfriend"
you sound like a cunt, right?

There's a lot more to life than beauty,
and a lot more to relationships than who's prettier.
Maybe she makes him feel like a thousand lions.
Maybe he'd climb rivers
and cross mountains
just to make her smile in the morning.

So fuck your shit, okay?
Just because you're prettier
doesn't make you any better.

I wanna marry him.

PLEASE.

Don't you see? These things take time.

duh.

I had plastic forks in mind

when I called you.

And maybe that will never make sense,
but it means we should be together.

well, to be honest, we probably shouldn't
but it's what I want sometimes.
especially since the plastic forks...
but nevermind.

You don't even know

I wish I was you


naaaaah jkjkjk no I don't.

AAWWWWOOOOOO

my ears

are at a 12.
I think?
I wanna go up to a ten, but I just like these tapers a lot.
The goal I suppose is to eventually have a plug collection
so I can downgrade anytime I want
and still have my ears lookin' fly.

My right ear always hurts more than my left one though.
It heals/stretches so much slower and I don't know whyyy.
For the first time in a long time
they're both at the same size, what a relief.

WE FLY HIGH, NO LIE, YOU KNOW THIS: HOWLINNN

Ginsberg was the motherfucking man, no doubt

Sometimes you just

feel it in your soul, you know?
I'm not making a fucking fashion statement,
I'm just making my soul happy.
Kill me if that's not right.


Nobody publishes books anymore,
everyone's got these blog things.
But what if I did it?

I could publish a book and
pretend it's the very first one.
Feel like I've rediscovered the printing press,
and everyone would abandon internet screens
and fall in love with me.
The only three things on Earth for certain
would be taxes, Death, and my books.

hah.
it's like pipe dreams only worse.

Am I the

only person who makes titles a part of their post?
I do it everywhere and in regard to everything.
I'm not sure why it started or where,
but it seems quite natural to me
and I don't know if it's weird or not.

It's part of this initiative to write every day.

have you ever written something,
and then found out it was already written?
its like:

"hello im from the future"
"hello im from the past"
"hello i am a ghost"

and then the cycle starts all over again
like you’re doubting your own existence
all because someone somewhere had the exact same idea

your brains are like this massive string of wires
and when two minds get on the same wave length
no one knows what the course of action is
because none of us are making sense except to each other

i missed you dearly in the summer
but the winter keeps me company
so nowadays i never wonder
anymore

I probably

should've had one of these sooner.
It's such a relief to get it all out
whenever I want.

Except now I want to get it all out at once.

I'm just saying, a little sick of tumblr because everybody's
pictures are the same and they're
all little girls who are 17
and think they're so indie and cool
holyshitlookatmeandalltheuniquepicturesIreblog
not that there's anything wrong with that.
It's just not my thing.
There's nothing worthwhile to read though,
and this is better because I always think
my own writing is worthwhile.
Considering I don't expect anyone to read this that
leaves me free to write anything I want.
forever.

aaaaaaaaah my life is a vampire weekend song stuck on repeat.
( I wish )

It's more like:
A gorgeous vintage skirt.
Early Versace, when the original was still alive.
It doesn't look like it matches with any of your bags
or shoes
or blouses.
But put it on and voila!
You look banging from every angle.

Too bad it's stuck in the bottom of some mildewy box
in your attic,
and it's not coming down
becasue you don't know its up there.

The house will probably burn down and
the skirt will just burn with it,
undiscovered.

How sad.
I've such high fantasies of my own life,
but I refuse to live it.
hypocrite.
martyr.
bum.

How can I promise myself that this year will be any different?

Oh the

painting on the right is by Sylvia Ji.
I think I'll just keep putting up different pictures
by her to suit my mood of the week or day
or whatever it turns out to be.

She does such beautiful work,
I'll probably end up getting a tattoo
inspired by one of her pieces.
Originally the sugar skull on
my left calf was going to be plain,
but now I think it'll have to be a woman's skull.
Complete with hair and everything.

All this pent up writing

I don't want to follow your blog because you write about kittens and rainbows.
Not literally, of course.
But you're so god-damned happy,
and everything in your life is so beautiful and poignant,
it's not real.
I know you're a genuine person, and you mean all
the nice things you say,
but for fuck's sake, life's not like that -
I'm not like that.

The bigger idea is that I'm not who you think I am.
"You're so sweet, it's giving me cavities"
except it's not a figure of speech.
No one else sees why this is a problem,
and that makes me think there's something wrong with me.
But is it too much to ask for if I want something gritty?
Dirty, sexy, offensive, hot-tempered,
violent, passionate, bloody, rude, volatile.
Yeah, it sounds exciting.
It sounds nothing like you.

I want to get the fuck away from you
so I can enjoy
watching bukkake videos,
or pictures of a head smashed in,
or go vomit in the dark.
But you don't deserve that, you've been nothing but good to me.
I just can't love you the way I'm pretending to.

I keep

driving people away, and I have no idea why.

and when I say people, I mean men.
I'd always thought:
" Well at least I've got personality going for me !"
and apparently I don't even have that anymore...
Too lazy to hook-up with new guys,
too much of a bitch to get the old ones back.

So now I'm in a state of semi-purgatory
and it sucks.
It's lukewarm.
I'd rather be in a rotten relationship,
than not feel anything for anyone.
Which is exactly how i feel.
I wish I loved anyone as much as I love Cosby sweaters.
But for now, it's just these sweaters keeping me warm at night.

SKINS

is a pretty stupid show if you ask me.
It's pretty much just the British version of Degrassi
and I hate it because it all just seems contrived and unrealistic.
It's so addicting though, I've been watching two episodes a day
for the past week. I'll probably be caught up to the current season
by the end of the month.

whaaaat

first post.
it took me all of ten minutes to choose this color scheme but i'll probably change it some more later. right now i think it suits me though.

the color of the drapes

is the color of the rug
she lookin fly?
then give that bitch a hug
she suck yo dick?
hoes can never get enough.
but if she wont
bitch ain't gettin no love.

i like my women like
i like my tea:
wet and dark and giving off steam.
go answer the door,
who came to party?
bitches, bitches, bitches
and they all for me.

keep gettin ass
like an ikea couch
shes useless to me
unless my dick's in her mouth.
or somewhere down south,
no roads off limits.
keep em satisfied,
dick size: double-digits.

i know hearing that shit makes you mad
but i get twice the pussy you wish you had
nah, i don't get it,
pussy gets me.
all on they're knees like they're beggin for a treat.

and if you cute,
you can get it too,
but if you ugly as shit,
imma backhand you.