All this pent up writing

I don't want to follow your blog because you write about kittens and rainbows.
Not literally, of course.
But you're so god-damned happy,
and everything in your life is so beautiful and poignant,
it's not real.
I know you're a genuine person, and you mean all
the nice things you say,
but for fuck's sake, life's not like that -
I'm not like that.

The bigger idea is that I'm not who you think I am.
"You're so sweet, it's giving me cavities"
except it's not a figure of speech.
No one else sees why this is a problem,
and that makes me think there's something wrong with me.
But is it too much to ask for if I want something gritty?
Dirty, sexy, offensive, hot-tempered,
violent, passionate, bloody, rude, volatile.
Yeah, it sounds exciting.
It sounds nothing like you.

I want to get the fuck away from you
so I can enjoy
watching bukkake videos,
or pictures of a head smashed in,
or go vomit in the dark.
But you don't deserve that, you've been nothing but good to me.
I just can't love you the way I'm pretending to.