Trade in your sunlight for a career

This is what I wanna be when I grow up

See that blonde girl?

I want my hair like hers, but
alotalotalot longer.
Too bad I'm BLACK gaaah.

I'll probably do it anyways,
not quite so blonde.

I just really like deep roots
on hair.

p.s. these are the guys from The State.
one of the few decent shows MTV
ever had.

Almost makes me wanna dye my hair again

...almost

SO MUCH GOOD SHIT IS GONNA HAPPEN

as soon as I let it.

One of these men has gotta be

my future husband, right?

I don't want to go back

but I have to.
I legitimately have to put in the work
and the effort to make this year a good one.
so that next year, I can have the freedom
to do whatever the fuck I want.

Mostly I just don't want to disrespect
my parents' money. They're paying
for it, somehow, so I've got to make
sure that every fucking penny isn't put to
waste.

Definitely not going to be easy for me,
Intelligence has allowed me to live a
rather efficient (see: lazy) lifestyle
so far.

So like, how do people find the willpower
to buckle down and get shit done?
It all seems so pointless to me, hah.
As KS said to me once
(and he was right. he always is,
even when i argue with him),
I live in fantasy land, and somehow shit
always works out for me.
not perfectly, but good enough.

It's so I can do the things I've always wanted to.
So I can die without regrets,
no matter when I die.
That's why.

I was just talking about this the other day

it's like confirmation that maybe
I'm not wrong,
but it's also a reminder that
there are no new thoughts in the world,
only recycled epiphanies.

Sometimes the people you least expect.

There's few people on this earth that I've
kept in contact with for more than 3 or so
years, but for as long as I can remember,
I've been going to school with the good
man Austin Anthony.
This year marks the first time since
3rd grade that our names will not be in the same
yearbook, not that I ever bought those
anyways.

We took Photography class for
three years together, and whereas
I probably averaged to put out
4 photos a year, somehow this guy
has managed to find a passion in
a subject I failed so horribly at.
More power to him.
He's a billion miles away at
Western Kentucky University,
working on his craft, and it gets better
everyday.

He's got the goods, you wont
be disappointed:
http://austinanthony.blogspot.com/

WHY ARE YOU PREGNANT ALREADY

I can't even get my shit together,
why/what/how the fuck are you
carrying a child??

your freedom
shouldn't be over yet.

"gift of life"
until one day youre 40
and youre on the floor crying because
you never got to do all the things
you always promised you would.

How sad is that.

I love food so much,
I'm going to make a blog
devoted to what I eat
every day.

BECAUSE I CAN
DONT YOU DARE JUDGE ME
IM HUN-GRAY




so now knivesfordinner.blogspot.com
is my daily foodings.

and momsaidyouweredead.blogspot.com
is strictly business.
SRS BZNZ

gaaaahaaaaa

I've been pretty much invading
facebook every two seconds
but I can't help it,
this is the first time I've been
awake all day in sososo long
and I have all these things to say
and show people.

I just bookmark links and make
a mental note to bring this to
so-and-so's attention later
because otherwise i'm pretty
sure people will just start to
remove me from their news feed.

I'm frantic right now.
I'd rather be asleep.

moral dilemma

I hate this band,
but I love this shirt.

decisions, decisions...

If you wanna get it big time, go on and get it, get it big time.

I don't think I could ever be famous.
the idea of self-promotion...

I'd rather not be
telling 20 million
people why they should listen/look at me.
not my style.

Here's what I'm naming my kids:

First son: Wilhelm.

Yeah, the newborn babe
from Inglorious Basterds,
but I'm really naming him after
this guy:

Kaiser Wilhelm > BAMF


Second son: Juan Carlos
pronounced - Wohn Car-lo
King of Spain, motherfucker

Third son: Cambridge
not Massachusetts, im talking about England.

Fourth son: Lenin

Like the fallen communist bastard.

I guess I'm hoping for all boys,
but if we have girls, my husband can name them.
If we have a girl before a fourth son,
Her name's gonna be Lennon.
Like the John variety.

Walnuts

are apparently really good for
lowering blood pressure.
Mine happens to be waay too high,
because its genetic,
and I'm rotund.

So maybe I'll eat more of these.
Plus, they look like brains -
DOUBLE WHAMMY.

DONE-ZO

Yeah, it's a finished product now.
Finally I have a place to put
all the things I likeee
so I can rave about them
to the whole Interwebzzzzzz
KNIVESFORDINNER.BLOGSPOT.COM yeah?


JUST CLICK HERE TO ACCESS MY BRAIN

YEASAYER derpaderp

Lately, when I get into music,
I get fucking into it.
We're talking total immersion,
and my music taste gets better
by the day.

ONE and Sunrise by Yeasayer

ON REPEAT, MOTHERFUCKERRR

I'm starting a second blog

I said it as a joke to
DJ, but I'm actually
gonna do it.

All about how everything I love
is interconnected.

How else would you explain
that Zach Galifianakis went on
stage with My Morning Jacket at Bonnaroo?
Or that Conan O'Brien has a beard?

Or that Wes Anderson's latest movie
stars Meryll Streep?

I'll start doing that, ASAP.

Have I ever told you

How much I love
Notorious B.I.G.?
Such a bad motherfucker, this guy's
an inspiration.

Every single lyrics is dirty, and real
and violent, and genius.
I would absolutely fuck him if
he were alive. Hands down.

via the last post

I figured I might actually make a list.
I love lists so much, but I might take
this one down eventually.
Just because, I don't want anyone to find it after I die
and see how many of these things I did not
accomplish.
I happen to be the world's most efficient (see:lazy)
person, but let's hope I really CAN
make a dent in this list in a year's time.

It's like a Bucket List, I suppose, but
with things that are actually achievable,
not stupid shit like "go skydiving"
or "meet the president".
Those things aren't important to me.

• Spend more time with my family. - like, more time than humanly possible. There is no such thing as too much time spent with your own flesh and blood. True story.
  
• Learn to speak Portuguese. - I've wanted to do this for so long, it's like Spanish, but trendier, hahaha. Nah, I just really wanna visit the coast of Portugal.
• Learn to speak French. - only because I love food. This only makes sense in my head maybe, but I want to speak French because I love food.
• Grow my hair down to my butt. - Practically impossible, because let's face it, I'm black. Our hair is ridiculous from the start. But it's past my collarbones a little bit right now and I'm slowly but steadily getting there. Too bad I can't resist the urge to dye it...
• Go back to California. - just like Notorious fucking B.I.G. He said it best "Going back to Cali, strictly for the weather, women, and the weed. " Not that I'm into women or weed, but it's the attitude behind the statement that counts. I loved it out there, I'm going back no matter what.
• Take a decent roadtrip. - I'm not talking about going down to Richmond for the day, I mean serious business, we're talking transcontinental. Across five states, at least. I probably will have to wait until I can afford my own car and go on my own because I don't really know anyone that would drop everything and do it with me, but that's quite alright.
• Visit both sets of grandparents. - plane tickets cost so much these days, not to mention I don't have a passport yet, but it has to be done. Grandparents are something I'm missing in my life, bigtime. That's gotta be fixed before one of them passes away, God forbid. I'm lucky enough to have the whole package, and even a great-grandpa, I just wanna hug em all.
• Buy my brothers something nice for Christmas. - I've got two little brothers and they don't give me shit, but it'd be cool to be Santa Claus one year and give them something spectacular. And yes, I would dress up and everything.
• SEEING EVERY BAND I LOVE. -it's in caps lock because I'm excited. I wish I went to more concerts. Note to self - spend less money on food, and more money on concert tickets, because it is ALWAYS worth it.

It's long enough for now, continuation once
I think of more junk to put on here.
And once it's more or less complete, I'm hiding it somewhere
in January's posts so it can't be found.

and all of a sudden it hit me.

It's like finally something has come up
and made the decision for me.
I read something on EM's formspring,
where someone asked him what he would do
if he had three days to live.
His answer: buy a one-way ticket to Spain,
sail, fish, fuck, drink.
stranger's suggestion was that he should do it anyways.
EM, however, responded with something like:
"Yeah, I'd like to, but unfortunately time's have changed"

Well fuck it, time's have changed, but people haven't.
I AM IN NO WAY CONDONING THE IDEA OF
"LIVING LIKE YOU'RE DYING"
that's simply not realistic.
but looking at it this way:
If I died tomorrow, what would I regret?

Would I regret not giving a fuck in high school?
Would I regret not partying enough?
Would I regret not dating that guy I thought I wanted to date?

Not a chance.

I know what I would regret though:
Not spending enough time with my family
Not going back to California
Not learning to speak Portuguese, or French
Not learning how to play the piano better, or the harmonica at all
Not seeing sooo many bands in concert
Not riding a bike through Richmond
Not laughing enough
Not growing my hair down to my butt

I can't really help the last one but every
single one of the other things on that list
are there because it's my fault.
I haven't done enough to ensure my own happiness, dear God.


Looking at another point:
I've spent the last 18 years indebted to my parents.
They feed me, clothe me, shelter me, so I do what they say.
I follow their rules, I respect their house, etc etc
One of these days someone's gonna like it
enough to put a ring on it, and then the process just repeats.
I feed, clothe, shelter, protect, rinse & repeat
via a husband and children.

SO by my calculations, somewhere in between
is a place where I don't owe anyone, anything.

So I'm gonna do everything I ever wanted,
and putting responsibilities on hold.
fuck what the world wants, you know?
just fuck it.

This isn't to say I'm quitting school, or
going out to California tomorrow.
I'm not dumb enough to do something without
some sort of Plan Of Attack.
But from now on, I'd like to think that all of
my efforts are going towards being able to die proudly
and without regrets.

"Would I regret doing/not doing this if I die tomorrow?"
No? Then it doesn't matter, point blank.

I guarantee that a year from now, that list will
be significantly shorter.
It's on the internet now, so I mean it, hah.

CONAN OOOOH BRRRIIIIEEEEENNNNN

He is the number one reason I need to go to Bonnaroo.

But I do know one thing though

Bitches they come they go,
Saturday through Sunday, Monday.
Monday through Sunday, yo.
Maybe I'll love you one day,
maybe we'll someday grow
til then just sit your drunk ass,
on that fucking runway, hoe.


-Eminem in his prime

GWAPS

Gratuitous Wes Anderson Picture Saturday

Being John Malkovich

changed my life a little bit.

it's movies like that, that make you
want to say "fuck it", and major in film.


Also, can I mention that Wes Anderson,
is way younger than I thought.
good news: he'll be making movies for the
next 20 years, at least !

The guy's fucking brilliant, that's all.

There's a smudge on my screen where your name used to be

and I like it that way because it's tainted
like you.
Is it possible for a cynic to fall in love too easily?
Is it possible to be homicidal, yet also
charismatic and out-going?

I don't know, but I will say this:
staying motivated is hard,
its like I'm constantly searching.
Gotta find new reasons to keep breathing,
find new things to believe in,
find new beds to sleep in.

Because all my idols are dead,
old ghosts fuck with my head,
all I ever dream of is leaving.

I didn't intend for all of that to rhyme, but there you go.
I'm never satisfied so I just lay here.

Shouldn't you know everything about me by now?

You should see the guys I talk to.

M - I should probably chill. I'm mostly just
mad that I shaved my legs. Sooo much surface area,
all for naught.

D - For someone so boring, you're a real piece of
work. What do you even have going for you?
And why do I even bother anymore?
Prime example of why good guys stay single,
because girls like me keep coming back to
nutsacks like you. You've never asked me
how my day went.

T - Not really the big bad asshole you
make yourself out to be. But I can't deal with
everything that happened in your past.
It's too much for me.
Plus we're just at different places in our lives.
Hopefully you'll never want to make it official
because I don't want you to be the one
that gets hurt. again.



I don't believe in love at first sight,
but if I did, I would be in love with Andy Hull.
His wife must be the most blessed woman on earth
to wake up to his face every morning, and I mean that.
I have yet to find out anything about him that I don't enjoy.
I like to think he's pointing at me in this picture, and
saying " Yeah, I'll see you after the show. We'll have
a beer and I'll write you a song about pirates and goats.
Come visit me at home and we'll share smores by the fire
while my wife goes out shopping with her friends. Totally platonic though."

Yeah, that's what he's saying.

important life lessons

8. If everyone in the show you’re watching is good-looking, it’s not worth watching.



How true is this?
favorite shows:

MAURY
30 ROCK
SEINFELD
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
ITS ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA

if you find everyone on all of those shows attractive,
there's something wrong with you.

Lux was the last to go

This is an old post, obviously.
I just thought I'd move it to here.

My birthday is coming up, its like a personal New Year's on the timeline of my life.
So if I was born on day one of year one, then on Planet Regina,
next Friday will be the first day of year 19.
It seems a fitting time for reflection.
facing the truth is uncomfortable, but how can we move forward unless we accept things and change?

19 things I wanna think about before year 20:



1. I JUST SAID YEAR 20. There's something intimidating about saying it out loud.

2. I will never downplay the importance of music in my life again. I've found so much new music this year that's changed me.

3. Religiously speaking, I don't know what i believe anymore. Maybe I wanna figure that out once and for all, but most likely I'm just going to keep living in a constant state of flux and doubt.

4. Happiness isn't something i can just keep wishing for at 11:11. its supposed to be an active part of my life and it just hasn't been lately. I wanna find ways to fix this.

5. I'm probably not a nice person. it's a relief to say that. Just because I treat most people well does not make me nice, I'm just polite. I can't help that regardless of how I act, I feel completely different. so the dilemma here is: do I stop faking it and just say whats on my mind, run the risk of hurting too many people? or do I keep my anti-social tendencies to myself? must make that decision at some point.

6. I don't fear death, I'm embracing it like an old friend. and I don't want that to change.

7. Year 18 was like a sieve and all the unimportant people fell through the cracks. I appreciate the impact that's been made on my life by everyone that's left.

8. A teacher's assistant once told me I hold too much back. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to hear about myself. Maybe if I stop judging myself,I can stop holding back. Not sure how that's supposed to happen, but I'll try and figure that out.

9. Too many hobbies I wanna take up. I'll finally have the time to do them all.

10. Mean everything to one person. You know exactly what I mean.

11. CHANGE. change a little or a lot, I just hope I don't end this next year the same way I start it. even if I'm regressing, there are worse things than moving backwards. Mosquitoes only breed in stagnant water.

12. Stand my ground. I hate bending for you. I hate it when you make me change my mind. To hell with that.

13. "Dismiss anything that insults your own soul" Truer words were never written.

14. I don't care about any of this junk that passes through my life. I'll try to stop pretending to.

15. You have no idea how much I obsess over certain things. What's the opposite of grudges? Because that's what I hold. I should just give myself peace from that, and let things go for good.

16. You'd be surprised how much food I eat that I don't even like. No more of that.

17. You're all just as complex and unique as I am. I mean, I know that, but it still astounds me when I'm confronted with it. I've gotta find some sort of way to repay humanity for how much they've taught me. That could take years I guess.

18. Is it odd that my life has a color scheme? Muted New Mexican jewel tones that make me think of deserts and wolfs and Spanish guitars. I wanna pay better attention to spelling things correctly.

19. Writing everyday. There's nothing more important than putting my own thoughts and the thoughts of other people down on paper uncensored. We forgot how to live except within our own minds, so its gotta come out on paper.


Those aren't even resolutions, I think it's just me making sense to no one but myself.

Today

my five-year-old brother comes up to me
as I sit on the couch, and offers me
in his sweaty little hand, a BP ball.

"Is this yours? It looks like it's yours."


Oh little Danny.
You are wise beyond your years.

Almost Famous

"The only true currency in this bankrupt
world is what we share with someone
else when we're uncool"



I'm reminded of high school and how much I
loved it towards the end.
how much I appreciate
good friends and good people.



and how much David has it made.

I can't be jealous because I'm too busy being in awe
of how shockingly good his life is.
That bastard.

Money makes the world go round

which is exactly why I'm standing still.
Greatttttttttt.

HOLY CRAPOLA

My favorite man, and my favorite band
both in one night, on SNL.

so far there have been jokes about
That's So Raven, Beards, 30 Rock,
and Vampire Weekend playing my
favorite song off their new album.

aaaah, I'm in such love :'(

At first I thought

"What's so gross about money?"


Then I realized they didn't mean that kind of cash.

Sometimes rhyming calms me down

I do like it when the lights are off,
and I like being alone
when pictures of your face
are my only remnants of home.
I live and die within this city,
but I dream about the town
that made me realize, looking out
I should consider settling down.
I take deep breaths like it's the last time,
because one day, it will be.
I didn't say goodbye to old friends and lovers,
but I did tell them sorry.
I'm sorry, saying sorry, taking covers from a child.
burning memories on these pages,
hoping you would stay the night.
yes, the trouble,
it's not worth it,
but someone, somewhere wrote the lines
that skipped a generation,
candy-coated both our minds.

Can I add?

Sarah Palin is a joke.
a sad excuse for a joke, actually.

good bye,
and good riddance.

wishbone

the fused clavicle of birds.
I'm going to get a tattoo of you,
right
on
my
chest.

well, more like my shoulder,
but you know what the deal is.
they say an unbroken wishbone
is a sign that your desires will come true.
god, i hope so.

The latest trend for me

is recopying journal entries into electronic form.
sometimes i write such unexpected things when im
tired in the dark.


also, trade secret: I'm not ACTUALLY in a relationship.
only if you read this, will you ever know.
I'm mostly just jumping the gun,
in a sad sort of way.

but damn it sometimes you just
have to embrace wishful thinking.
if this is the closest im gonna come to feeling
alright again, then whatever, i'll take it.

just do me a favor, MD,
hurry up so we can make this official,
and i can prove it, with stickers.

In actuality

It reeks of irony and cigarettes:
Richmond.

How can I write an ode to a city
I just met?

66

posts in January, compared to 6
in February?
God, whats wrong with me, I need to
get my shit together.

I've been so M.I.A.

I guess an update of my thoughts is in order,
because I've spent so much time writing on paper,
I forgot how good this keyboard really does feel.

So I'm officially home for good now, it's a long
complicated issue that converges some
financial aid problems and a huge issue
with some unreasonable girls that live next door,
but more on that later.
as to whether I'll be back to VCU next semester, I don't know.
Maybe it's not the place for me,
maybe it's not the place I thought it was.
Maybe I'm not who I thought I am, and thats why.

either way, for now I have some time to figure it out and I like that.

the perks of being a college-less wallflower
are that I can go wherever I want, practically.
I went to William&Mary for a week, and
surprisingly, I loved it.

Well, not immediately.
I believe the second day there I texted Marcela saying
"SAVE ME"
Williamsburg takes some getting used, especially after a city like Richmond.

But all of the people I met there were fantastic, to say the least.
I thrive in mutual friend situations, so here I got
the cream of the crop:
friends that I' m close to, and new people
that are close to them as well.
I don't think I've been around such intelligence and
wit in months, it was refreshing,
like green grapes.
^see that metaphor? it was forced. and retarded.

I've heard

that I should probably write a
David Sedaris-style book of all my exploits, etc.
Honestly, I wouldn't know where to start really.
My writing and my story telling are two separate passions,
and I'm not quite sure where they converge,
or even if they should.