I don't want to go back

but I have to.
I legitimately have to put in the work
and the effort to make this year a good one.
so that next year, I can have the freedom
to do whatever the fuck I want.

Mostly I just don't want to disrespect
my parents' money. They're paying
for it, somehow, so I've got to make
sure that every fucking penny isn't put to
waste.

Definitely not going to be easy for me,
Intelligence has allowed me to live a
rather efficient (see: lazy) lifestyle
so far.

So like, how do people find the willpower
to buckle down and get shit done?
It all seems so pointless to me, hah.
As KS said to me once
(and he was right. he always is,
even when i argue with him),
I live in fantasy land, and somehow shit
always works out for me.
not perfectly, but good enough.

It's so I can do the things I've always wanted to.
So I can die without regrets,
no matter when I die.
That's why.